


See Me, Don't See Me

by LenasLuthorCorp



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff, Beginning of friends to lovers, Canon Compliant, F/F, Feelings, Feels, Fluff, Guilt, Introspection, Jealousy, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Kara is Thinking, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena is Feeling, Season 3, SuperCorp, Supercorp - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29612580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenasLuthorCorp/pseuds/LenasLuthorCorp
Summary: My take on the elevator scene.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Lena Luthor/James Olsen (Mentioned)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 83





	See Me, Don't See Me

Kara was beyond tired. She wished being Supergirl could cure her bone deep fatigue as she trudged her way into the elevator and pressed for the 21st floor. It became all too much sometimes: Reign lying prone as if a while earlier she hadn’t near beaten Kara to a pulp, Mon-El lingering like a bad smell, always over her shoulder and looking at her with those sad, guilty eyes as if he had finally,  _ finally  _ understood the hurt and damage he had laid into her just by being him. 

Although she was the eternal optimist, she could not bring herself to believe that just yet. The darker parts of her begged her to remember that he was just the same as he always was, just with a new suit and a scraggly beard, waltzing in as if no time had passed since she last saw him and that they were just peachy. Even laying down the tentative flirting they used to wade their way through.

All whilst having a  _ wife _ , her mind screamed.

It really was all too much. 

“Hold the elevator, please!” A dulcet voice cut through her ruminations like a hot knife. Her arm slammed in front of her to stop the door closing and was delighted when she saw the face that matched the soft yet confident voice. Lena. Always the breath of fresh air Kara craved. 

“Lena!” Kara cried jovially.

“Kara!” Lena responded in the same tone.

Lena’s face lit up at the sight of Kara, and Kara managed a sincere, if slightly weaker, smile in return as she let herself be dragged into the warm embrace of her best friend. 

“Oh, you are a sight for sore eyes. I have been missing you for weeks!” Lena spoke, and Kara felt herself tightening their embrace only slightly, leaning further into her friend’s arm. Lena stepped back sooner than Kara had liked, but grasped her shoulder gently. The two separated and faced forwards, leaning to face the other periodically as they spoke. Lena turned to make her apologies - as she  _ always  _ did when she had done nothing wrong - but Kara shut her down with haste. 

“Oh, don’t apologise about anything.” Kara insisted, peering over at Lena slightly. The woman was looking down, the same way she did when Kara complimented her, but she soon put her head up and smoothed imaginary ruffles from her (undoubtedly very expensive) coat. While the calming and supportive presence of Sam has granted a noticeable shift in Lena’s behaviour towards herself, Kara surmises that she may not be comfortable with either concept: being told that she’s good or being told that she’s not in the wrong, that there’s no need to apologise and there is every need to compliment her. She’s working on a cure for Reign, unquestionably under so much stress (Kara’s seen her work herself to near exhaustion both as Kara and Supergirl, she knows how hard Lena works for anything, let alone her very good friend), and yet she still finds time to bring Ruby...something.

Curiosity gets the better of Kara and she lowers her glasses slightly to peer into the bag Lena’s holding. 

Ice cream. This woman is a damn dream.

“What are you doing here?” Kara questions as if she doesn’t already know. Her sister’s chiding tone is always in her ear; ‘ _ act normal, don’t raise even the tiniest of suspicions. The red flags will always last in other people’s minds _ .’

“Visiting Ruby. I didn’t know what to bring, so I brought ice cream” Lena responds, smiling at the thought of the little girl. Kara wonders if Lena had ever entertained the notion of motherhood, but she thinks that Lena may not like the idea of a child floundering, suffocating under the weight of the Luthor name for a moment, and may have pushed the thought away with heartbroken vehemence.

Just as Kara is furiously trying to push away the image her mind has conjured of a little girl with blond hair and the greenest of eyes. 

“That’s a lot of ice cream.” Kara laughs nervously, her mouth drying and throat closing because of her own wandering mind, and unconsciously fiddles with her  _ perfectly straight  _ glasses, scolding herself along with the mental voice she has of Alex. If Lena notices her behaviour is more odd than usual, she doesn’t comment. Instead she looks over at Kara with those soft eyes always reserved for her and laughs along, shrugging shamelessly. The two share a light-hearted moment, and Kara feels the weight starting to lift off of her for a second, before Lena’s smile is lost once more. 

“Did you hear what happened?” She asks. Kara looks away.

“Yeah.” She sighs out. “Yeah, I did. What an awful day for her.” The guilt presses on Kara once more, encapsulating her as she thinks about the pain Ruby must be feeling. She hates to think about it, after all she of all people understands pain in her younger years, and how it messes with you.

_ She’s still grieving _ , after all.

She hears Lena snipe “That’s an understatement” and nods, tutting before changing the subject to what she thinks would be something less...delicate.

“Alex tells me that you’re helping Supergirl fight Reign.” She comments. She hopes that it will nudge Lena in the other direction, that it will remind her of the good that she’s doing, but also that she’s helping Ruby another way by saving her mother. That she’s not as helpless as her off-the-cuff ice cream jab makes her out to be. She’s always helping, and Kara is begging her to see that. But the way that the smile slowly drops from Lena’s face once more lets Kara know that it hasn’t helped. 

The guilt is eating Kara  _ whole,  _ and she tries to encourage Lena once more, digging her grave further.

“I’m sure she’s so grateful for your help.” She’s shaking her head again in that way she does when she’s nervous or angry or...or scared. And that’s the reality of it all, she realises. Kara is so scared. Scared that Reign won’t be able to be helped. Scared that the citizens of National City will have to face another destructive battle like the one she and Reign had at Christmas. Scared that Lena will figure out she is Supergirl, right at this crucial moment.

But mostly, she’s scared because she’s  _ supposing  _ and pretending that she  _ thinks  _ Supergirl is grateful for Lena’s help, that Lena won’t actually believe her.

And that's the twisted, cruel irony of all of this. She is grateful, and she is so desperate to let Lena know that her mind, her very presence is valued, but she just can’t. Kara’s lying to her, she knows, but she’s doing it to protect Lena, she rationalises. The bitter voice inside of Kara lashes out, wailing that she’s a coward, that Lena is already in danger without the knowledge that her best friend is Supergirl, and once again Kara quickly tries to shut that voice down before the guilt immerses her and she loses herself. 

Lena stares at Kara for a beat as she finishes talking, looking at her in that way she rarely does. It makes Kara feel exposed, even more so than when Lena gives her that look when she’s in her Supergirl outfit. Lena’s gaze can make her feel triumphant and mighty, but it can also make her feel just so  _ small _ , and she worries that one day Lena will look at her - really look at her - and it will all click into place. Lena will know who she is, and what she’s been keeping to herself. Kara wonders if that’s Lena’s superpower: making her worry like no one has before. 

Making her  _ love  _ like no one else has, too.

Lena’s scoff kicks her brain back into reality and her head turns away quickly so she doesn’t have to see Lena frown and roll her eyes. It’s quite petulant, and not what many expect from the sharp dressing and even sharper minded CEO, but it fits into Kara’s image of her perfectly. She just wishes the scoff and the eye roll weren’t aimed at  _ her _ . 

“Well, frankly, I’m only working with Supergirl to save Sam because I’ve no other choice.” Lena’s voice slows to a drawl, the irritation working its way across her face as she speaks of Supergirl. 

“What do you mean?” Kara finds herself asking about, well, herself. She can physically feel her smile get tighter. It’s not that she can’t take criticism, or that she doesn’t respond well to it. After the whole Red K mess, she’s had to work hard to win back the trust of the city, preventing disaster after disaster from destroying the city and even now there are still people who criticise her at every turn. Some are even working closely with her, she thinks angrily.

_ One new suit does not a new man make _ .

It’s not that she cannot handle criticism. It’s that, for some reason, handling criticism from  _ Lena  _ is one of the hardest pills she’s ever had to swallow. She knows it’s because that’s her best friend, it’s always going to be hard to hear them speak bad of you, even if they’re unaware that they’re speaking bad of you  _ to you _ .

The voice in her head simply growls back: ‘It’s not a  _ friendship  _ and you know it.’

“Well, it’s that old adage: ‘Never meet your idols, you know, it’ll only lead to disappointment.’” Kara’s heart seems to leap and also crack at Lena’s words. Lena idolises her - Supergirl at least. She thinks back to _ ‘Kara Danvers, you are my hero’ _ and it only hurts more to know that Lena has a strong dislike of Supergirl and doesn’t even try her hand at hiding it. She’s  _ disappointed  _ in her. Kara digs her hands into her palms and barely manages to stop herself from welling up, frustration and a need to make things right bubbling up inside of her. She needs to correct this somehow, to show Lena that Supergirl  _ does  _ care about her, but she can’t.

Not right now in these stupid normal clothes and glasses, anyways.

Kara barely breathes out her crushed and reluctant agreement of ‘oh, yes’ before Lena carries on her rant. “Supergirl’s not all truth and justice like she pretends to be. You know she had James break into L-Corp and search my private vault?” Lena asks incredulously, a sarcastic smile on her face, and Kara frowns deeper, the crinkle defining with every word Lena speaks against her. The worst part is, she’s right. Kara thinks about the times she as her ‘human self’ has defended Lena without her knowing, against James, against J’onn, against  _ Alex _ . She has always been on the front line of Lena’s defence knowing she wouldn't do anything they were accusing her of, that Lena is better than that. 

After what she asked James to do, Kara’s no better than  _ them _ .

“I’m...sure she had a really good reason.” Kara strangles out, not being able to let it go. Her mind is duelling with itself; she knows what she did was wrong but she can’t back down, she can’t stand here and let Lena criticise her without offering at least a morsel of self-defence. If she had anything to thank Mon-El for, it would be that he taught her that, superhero or not, she is to be no one’s doormat.

“Of course he didn’t do it.” Lena reluctantly concedes that Supergirl’s not  _ evil _ , and Kara takes that as an opening, as the beginning of their mend. Still, her wounded ego takes centre stage and she can’t help letting out a surprised “Really?” Lena turns to look at her now, fully facing her, jaw clench but eyes conveying confusion.

“Well, no.” Lena chuckles out, “We’ve been dating each other for months. He knows me and he trusts me, and I trust him.” Super hearing or not, Kara can’t be sure if what she hears is wishful thinking or that the hesitant nature of Lena’s ‘I trust him’ was actually true. She knows Lena isn’t one to trust easily and Rao knows she has her reasons not to, so Kara is confused as to why she would trust James after just a few months, when beforehand he was against her, branding her as just another Luthor before he began to date her. 

She’s either irritatingly confused, or seething with jealousy and nowadays it’s not always clear which is which. Lena carries on as Kara gets lost in her thoughts.

“Supergirl went behind my back and used my personal relationships against me. That’s not something my  _ mother  _ would do.” If Kara’s heart wasn’t broken, it surely is now. She can’t defend Supergirl,  _ herself _ , against this. Only now after hearing that does Kara understand how truly awful her actions made Lena feel. She knows Lena despises talking about her family, her mother probably most of all, and will only bring her up when she’s really trying to  _ say  _ something.

Distantly, she feels the guilt swallow the remaining free pieces of her up, and wonders how she will ever regain Lena’s trust again. The thought that she can’t makes her feel physically sick as she glances, heartbroken, at Lena once more once more. Lena straightens her back, strengthening her resolve as she reaches her conclusion, Kara waiting on her every word at this point as Lena looks straight at her, a wounded look on her beautiful face. 

“She crossed a line. I can never trust her again.” Kara visibly deflates, and mentally hopes that Lena takes her reaction as disappointment that her two friends are fighting, and not that her world is crumbling around her because she had the most precious gift Lena could give to her, her  _ trust _ , and just let it slip away like grains of sand through the hourglass. Lena looks straight ahead, the elevator taking on a heavy presence once more before she switches the mood, not knowing of Kara’s turmoil.

“So, I didn’t know what flavour Ruby would like so I bought every flavour.” Lena lets out another nervous giggle, and Kara is done denying it. The dam breaks and she lets herself be drowned in the knowledge that she is  _ in love  _ with Lena, her best friend. Not only that, but the woman she loves can never trust a big part of her again. And potentially, if Kara were to come clean, she could also never trust Kara again, and the idea makes her stomach flip. Selfishly, she thinks she cannot tell her. She has to keep Lena in her life and keep her looking at Kara like she’s doing now, and she’s slightly ashamed to admit it but if it means hiding her true self from her, then she will do it. Surely she has earned the right to be a little bit selfish, Kara thinks childishly. 

  
  


She stares at the bag Lena holds up and giggles, putting on her best front as Lena teases “I hope you bought your appetite.” Alarm bells go off inside of her, worried that Lena knows, but Kara quickly dismisses them.

“Oh, you know me.” Kara jokes back, and doesn’t miss the scathing irony that comes with that sentence. Kara lets Lena walk ahead before sighing.

_ ‘You know me, but you don’t know you know me.’ _


End file.
